but You love me still

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! haven updated for awhile. but tonight’s post wont really a current what-i’ve-been-up-to post.

singing You lifted me out really touched me greatly, especially the bridge:

trouble may surround me,
my heart may fail;
but You love me still,
You love me still.

when i got saved 4 years ago, i teared because i felt so much love surrounding me. the image i envision when i think about then is one of a father embracing his daughter at the lowest point in her life and she’s crying and crying and her father just simply wraps his arms around her in a tight embrace, and he says “don’t cry, i’m here. papa’s always here.”

papa’s always here.

the idea of God being a loving Father touched me the most when i learnt about the qualities and characteristics of God. and He has shown me love and given me comfort, encouraged me and carried me on His shoulders just to make me feel i’m on top of the world.

many times in my walk with God, i’ve felt that i’d let Him down, that i was unworthy, that i made some unforgivable mistakes, that i shouldn’t be given so much cuz i didn’t do enough to deserve the blessings.. but i bounce back, knowing that it’s the devil who i’m battling in my mind, and assured that my Abba Father still loves me. He loves me just as i am..

i remember when i was in primary school, i was walking home when i tripped and fell into the drain (those narrow ones by the pavement). and i just sat there in my uniform, with my bruised legs and cried and cried and cried. and my first thought was “why wasn’t there someone right beside me to pick me up?” after ten minutes on the flor, i stood up and walked right home to clean and dress my own wounds.

today, when i fall, i look up and see a hand stretched towards me, and i stand again, and i continue walking with Him right beside me.

in awe.

realised that i was supposed to post an entry on my tuition assignments.

okay, some of you might know that i lost my kovan assignment. two kids gone at one shot. then i got a new one at clementi, the girl mentioned in my previous post, if you remember.
yesterday i just had this urge to call up two numbers. initially i was struggling cuz i’d called before and there was nothing for me. but i decided to give in to the urge (thank you Holy Spirit ) and voila! i now have TWO additional assignments.

1. tampines assignment on thurs. only ONE hour every week, just for ONE subject, and the girl’s only in primary ONE! i’m honestly quite amazed that there’s such a demand, and even more amazed that it’s in tampines!

2. sengkang assignment. (this is even more miraculous!) the boy i’m teaching only needs me for the mid-years, so all i have to do is complete 12hrs within 2 and a half weeks and i get my money! the most amazing thing is actually that this money will come in handy after A&B season. it’s like, just-in-time. seriously. the only things is that this boy is abit hyperactive and has a ultra-short attention span. but thank God i have that bit of ‘S’ personality in me that helps me to be patient with him!

all in all,
i’m just amazed and in awe

choice.

this past month in SOT has been a whirlwind of early morning train rides, impartations, knowledge- and wisdom-building, eating at BEST coffeeshop. i’ve met new people, some so humble and nice, others a little less transparent, yet some others who are just, well, interesting.
activities are coming fast and furious, and i need to really rev up my engine even more! bible reading, 500-word book assignments, ministry and preparing for mock cellgroups and exams. PHEEEWWWW!

i’m very happy to be singing in SOT choir actually. i just feel so much joy when i stand on stage to sing, to praise and to worship. i know that my voice isn’t perfect or fantastic (and i’m probably not going to join the ministry) but it’s just the simplest joy i receive from doing it that makes me feel alive!

my aim is really to discipline myself, to show forth true Christian living, to gain experience and knowledge that i cna impart to others. i want to make sure what i’ve learnt this season will be well-applied in my life and bear fruits. i want to be a fruitful, prosperous person!

************************************

i’ve always believed that people are placed in my life for a specific reason. to teach me, train me, mould me and nurture me.

but that doesnt take away the heartbreak i feel whenever someone that i’ve believed in disappoints me.

my personality makes me feel that i’m good at relating to people, connecting with them, getting to know them. but somehow, things are happening in a way that makes me feel no matter how deep or well i think i know people, there’s always a dark, hidden side. and when the dark side surfaces through the revelation from other parties,
it doesnt feel good at all man.

i really dislike looking at people with a tinted, judgmental eye. so i detest it when i find out things about people that undermine my initial knowledge of that person. it threatens the relationship. it makes the person ‘different’  in my eyes. when i look at the person, the thought of whatever i know and heard pops up in my head.

but thank God i have the Spirit in me. i can make the decisive effort to push away these thoughts. i can choose to salvage the situation. i can really try..

IF I CHOOSE TO.

4 words. 4 syllables. yet more than just 4.

alot of things can happen if i choose to. i can work miracles if i choose to. i can bounce back again if i choose to. i can turn things around if i choose to.

isn’t life fundamentally all about choice?

choose the right way.

HALLELUJAH!

i’ve got another tuition assignment. this one is really from Heaven. more tonight

sunny side UP!

ONE OF MY FAVE PHOTOS.
at that time i was thinking, imagine that was God’s glory shining down upon me. i probably would have fallen like dead to the ground man, haha.

well well. the post is titled sunny side up for a very simple reason. we gotta keep our sunny side up! we all know that life aint a bed of roses, but we can choose to get out of the thorny rosebed, pluck out the thorns and continue lying on the rosebed and looking up at the sun in the sky.
(turning literature-y all of a sudden, lol.)

recently i’ve been going through a somewhat rough patch because i had doubt in my heart about certain things. but last week during service and these past two days in SOT, God really touched me and helped me with my doubtful heart. i believe i will utilise my talents fruitfully and shine even brighter than before!

recent testimonies to share:
[1] remember i lost my kovan tuition classes? two of them?!?!? now i have a new assignment at clementi. today was my first lesson there and the P2 girl i’m teaching is so cute and teachable! praise God!

[2] i’m now part of SOT Choir! haha. out of randomness i just decided to go for the audition and i’m in this is of course different from CHC Choir though so i wont be singing during service. i dont mind, i think i’d rather be with the cellgroup in fellowship and bonding before service

[3] the 5loaves-2fish miracle! to think i was worried that there would be enough food for the picnic E385 had at marina barrage on Sunday. turns out that the miracle i was praying for happened through this other cellgroup that was there for a picnic as well. and we had leftovers! what an AMAZING God we serve :)

[4] words of affirmation. this is something to thank God for at a time when i’mfeeling disheartened. somehow the people i’ve been speaknig to

[5] breakthrough breakthrough breakthrough. thank God for breakthroughs

*on a side note, i believe like what Pst. Meng shared in SOT, people are placed in our lives to train and mould us. i might be irritated, disgusted or disappointed in some people, but rest assured i wont forsake them just like that.  a good shepherd ensures his sheep arent lost, and that’s what i wanna do

praise God for everything!